MyLife Danışmanlık ve Koçluk Merkezi

People tend to view vulnerability as a strength in others, but see it as a weakness within themselves.

Researchers call this inconsistency the beautiful messy effect.

We see the positive aspects of others' displays of vulnerability, but focus on the negative aspects of ourselves.

* Apologizing for an expensive mistake

* Being the first to say "I love you"

* Explaining your struggle with mental illness

All of these situations require showing vulnerability, which can be defined as “an authentic and deliberate willingness to be open to uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure in social situations despite fears.” ”

Showing vulnerability is necessary to establish authentic relationships, but many people are reluctant to let themselves be seen.

Researcher Brené Brown has observed in interviews with thousands of people that people tend to view vulnerability as a strength in others, but see it as a weakness within themselves. As Daring Greatly writes, "We love to see raw truth and openness in other people, but we're afraid to let them see it in us."

Anna Bruk at the University of Mannheim in Germany and her colleagues recently gathered empirical evidence to support Brown's qualitative findings. For example, they created several scenarios involving vulnerability, such as confessing romantic feelings to a friend or asking for help. and asked participants to imagine themselves or another person in the scenario. Participants who imagined themselves in the scenario tended to agree with statements such as “I show weakness by showing my vulnerability”. Participants who imagined another person in the scenario tended to think that the person showed strength and courage.

In another study, Bruk and his team used a cover story to create a genuine sense of vulnerability. They told the participants that they would be randomly assigned to perform one of the two tasks. The first task will involve improvising a song in front of a jury (a task that requires a great display of vulnerability). The other task will involve being a jury member tasked with judging the singers' creativity and onstage presence. (After hearing the cover story, participants were given the opportunity to stop working, but most chose to continue.)

After the participants learned about their task, they shared how they felt about showing the vulnerability required of the singers. Participants who waited to go on stage were more likely to view them as "weakness" and "incompetence" than other participants who thought the singers showed strength and courage.

These results show that we appreciate others' displays of vulnerability more than our own. Bruk called this contradiction the beautiful messy effect. When we see others display vulnerability, we see them in a positive (beautiful) light. However, we perceive our own images as a mess.

Why do we value showing vulnerability in others, but not ourselves?

Bruk's research suggests that the beautiful clutter effect can be explained by fictional level theory, which states that our perception of a situation depends on our psychological distance from it. From afar, we perceive events in abstract terms and focus on the positive aspects of the situation. Up close, our perception narrows and we magnify negativity.

When we view vulnerability from a distance, that is, when we see someone else's vulnerability, we focus on the positive consequences of being vulnerable, such as intimacy with others. When we think about our own vulnerability, we are close enough to see all the possible negative consequences, such as looking weak, incompetent, or stupid.

Bruk's research on the beautiful mess effect shows that showing vulnerability may be less risky than we thought. What we see as "messy" can be perceived by others as strong, bold, and yes, even beautiful.

Before you confess your deepest, darkest secrets to others, remember that Bruk's research contains only one indicator of vulnerability. Showing vulnerability to the same people over and over may not be perceived in a positive light. Research on self-disclosure, which often involves showing vulnerability, shows that people who frequently disclose negative information are perceived less positively by their friends and receive less support from their romantic partners.

However, research on vulnerability shows that we can benefit from at least a little opening up ourselves to uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.

If you want to face your problems in a peaceful way with yourself, do not hesitate to contact me. Come on, write or call me now 0532 158 35 55. I'm waiting :-)

As Brené Brown puts it: "Vulnerability is life's greatest courage. Life asks, 'Do you all have it? Can you value your vulnerability as much as you value others?”

As a result, what do you decide to do from now on? Do you dare?