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IS IT POSSIBLE TO FORGIVE OUR PARENTS THAT THEY HAVE LIVED AND LIVED?

Prof Dr Ekrem Çulfa

Family Marriage Couple Consultant

Is it possible to achieve full inner peace with our parents by taking advantage of these days when we live together with corona, quarantine, fasting and Ramadan?

Many adult people carry deep wounds and traumas to their parents. Could this corona, quarantine and Ramadan days, and the fasting period be the right time to heal these wounds? Can we turn it into an opportunity?

We are less than grateful and loving to our mothers and fathers who brought us to the world, protect and grow them with love. However, we all know that the process of growing does not proceed as desired, and that even people who think that they are carefully cultivated continue to have a lifelong wound left from the process of growing up and the problems they cannot solve with their parents.

One of my counselors explained that his father went abroad to work and that although he returned to our country after many years, he was unable to establish a relationship with his father until he completed his university education. My client's father's dream was to work abroad, to support his family, but his client's dream was to ride a bicycle with his father, and he saw his father as the only reason for this lack of childhood until he became an adult.

Most of us have heard the advice of "you should forgive your mother and father, you should correct them, you should love them, you should not be stuck with what you have done in the past" but it is not easy to realize. Because the rose thorns that we have collected for many years since our childhood are painful to our hearts.

The essence of the word; We bear most of what our parents do and do not do to us. This means that; Even if they have made us suffer throughout our lives, we will be the ones who take the burden off this. How are we going to do? We must be changing and we must learn to give ourselves what cannot be given to us. Why is that? Because past lives cannot be rewritten, cannot be re-lived, and we must heal the injuries we receive from our parents.

Sometimes this approach can be perceived as unfair by some people, because we were children. It was not our fault to be hurt, knocked, upset, injured, traumas and losses ... So what can we do? It was as a child, but now it is in our hands as an adult to live these memories again as a child or to re-evaluate and write as an adult.

Our first step towards forgiveness should be taking responsibility for our lives. We must accept and express our inner feelings.

While trying to forgive our parents, one of our two major hurdles is our great inner anger. We can feel great anger and anger without the recipe for them and the most interesting part of the work is that it often unites with great love and makes our situation even more complicated. My client said that he loved his father and missed him when he was abroad, but he was very angry when he learned to ride a bicycle.

The second is fear ... When they learn about our real feelings, we are worried about their reactions, whether they will break or break again. We continue to bear the burden of this confusion and remorse.

For change, we must accept our feelings towards our parents. We must realize that the child in us is still mourning because their parents are not acting as they please.

In order to forgive our parents, we must accept what they do and only do so much (perhaps because their past is also traumatic) as adults. You can imagine how difficult it is for a father who does not have a bicycle in his childhood to understand the happiness that a child's dream of cycling with his father has had on him.

We can replace our childhood experiences and our recorded emotions with adult emotions.

This global crisis situation may be our guide to re-evaluate the difficult times of our past. We can use our mercy on ourselves, on our parents.

We should prefer to live in harmony with ourselves, without repeating the mistakes that our parents make and their similar mistakes.

This period of quarantine and Ramadan is quite suitable for this inner purification. Hoping to be able to love our parents with all our heart, forgiving our parents on the feast ... Call  Forgiveness Line +905447243650.